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August 5th, 2014

07:06 pm: Wow... been a long time
Wow. Just realized I haven't been on here in a long while. Things have been weird lately. I've been fighting off burnout and low-grade depression ever since graduating.
I'm still at the same job I had before graduating... the same job that led me to go to college in the first place. It really sucks there right now. I barely make enough money to make ends meet (I can do it, but only with no extras whatsoever). I don't have a classroom... which I hate. I haven't had a classroom since I went back to school, which was ok while in school, but I've been done for 8 months! Not having a classroom is demeaning, especially when you're capable of more.
So not only is work craptastic, the homelife hasn't been much better lately. Ended a relationship a few days ago. And my besties/roomies are having issues, which have been affecting all of us. One of them - the one with the undiagnosed bipolar issues, has been up and down for the last year. She got some help in February and went on mood stabilizers, but since June things have been heading steadily downhill since then, with everything culminating in a seriously shitty week last week. Shes one of my closest friends, and I love her, but I am so done right now.
On a more positive note, I think I've finally reached the point where I'm ready to get a new job... now just need to make it happen. And the besties are currently working on things and they're (at the moment) looking like they're actually going to be able to work on getting the help needed.

Current Mood: drained and depressed
Current Music: Bones on tv
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January 19th, 2014

10:35 pm: I. Am. Done!!!!!!!!!
Still sinking in.... but I am now officially a college graduate (again :P). Have an associates degree that I got about 7 or 8 years ago. But according to the email I just got earlier this week, I am officially a University Graduate!!! And holy crap does it feel weird. It still hasn't fully sunk in, don't have the official diploma yet, but once the first day of classes rolled around and I didn't have to go to class, it started sinking in that I'm done... I don't have to go... I don't have to do this anymore... Holy crap I'm scared to death.
No... literally.... I'm freaking out here. I'm excited, but I'm also still working at the same dead end job I was at before going to uni, I don't know what to do with all this extra free time I've got, I haven't applied for any new jobs or grad school... I'm excited but I feel like I'm drowning in fear and uncertainty. Definitely time to figure something out. GAAAH!!!!!!

On a slightly more hilarious note though, had another weird kid moment. Was changing diapers in our potty training classroom (the kids are 2.5-3ish), and was in the process of helping one of the little ones switch from the diaper he'd come to school in into a pair of underwear. I made a reference to him putting on his "big boy underwear". He then asked me what I was wearing, and I told him that I'm wearing big girl underwear. He then bends over, looks up the skirt I'm wearing, pokes me in the crotch, and asks, innocently, "dose ones?" I was laughing so hard, I couldn't even talk for a couple minutes to tell his teacher, who'd heard part of the conversation, what he'd said. Next day, I'm doing diapers in his class again, and he asks me if I'm wearing big girl underwear. Thankfully without trying to check this time though.

Current Location: home... where else?
Current Mood: blech
Current Music: the sound of my heater
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December 8th, 2013

07:39 pm: So close... and yet so far... gah!!!!
Tomorrow is the start of finals week... of my last term at university... I am so close to being done I can taste it! Unfortunately, we've had a freak snow storm (it's Oregon... it never snows here!) and it's snowed enough - around 8 inches - that the College actually closed early and is closed again tomorrow. They never close! And what is even more annoying is that my one and only on-campus final was scheduled for tomorrow night.. which means that I now don't know when I'll be done... and I just wanna finish and get outta here... wah :'( ... ok.. done whining :)
But really? I swear karma is out to get me this term... first the university is cancelling or rescheduling my classes, and now the weather is getting in the way of me finishing... Darn you universe!

Current Location: snowed in at home
Current Mood: exasperated
Current Music: Laibach
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November 4th, 2013

10:42 pm: Blergh... I just wanna curl up and not see anyone now
Darnit... missed October somewhere there... been to fucking busy... school started (yuck... but it's my last term at university, so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel), moved my best friends into the apartment next to mine (all the upsides of roomies without the suckiness), lost my Grandpa to prostate cancer and kidney disease in late September, fell in love, and have been dealing with one of my besties undiagnosed bipolar issues (which she is thankfully working on)... so in short, life has been really fucking bizarre lately. I'm starting to feel mildly bipolar myself, one minute life's great and amazing and I'm loving everything, then the shit hit's the fan again and I'm left crying alone again. I still don't know how I feel about everything, and I'm really hoping things stabilize soon, because I'm not sure how much longer I can go on like this before I start crumbling.

Current Location: Home, alone, again
Current Mood: sad, scared, and sleepy
Current Music: Jamie Foxx
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September 12th, 2013

09:36 pm: Life just sucks
Feeling emotionally drained right now. This has been yet another long emotionally draining week on top of way too many already. I've been taking summer classes at university all summer, with only one week break between spring term and summer term... and summer term just ended last week... and fall term starts in two weeks, so feeling majorly burnt out about school right now. On top of it, my grandpa is dying of cancer, and he's going downhill really fast right now. Went and saw him earlier this evening, and that just sucked. And to add to it, I've been in a relationship all summer that's on the fritz right now, which sucks, but I'm ok with because right now we are better as friends than lovers, and I'm still going to keep them as a friend. And on top of that, best friends, who's wedding I was in earlier this summer, have been having issues, and one of them has been depressed and suicidal lately. So, ummm, yeah, feeling majorly emotionally drained right now, and kinda really want someone to just give me a hug and tell me it's all going to be ok. I'm kinda getting tired of always being the strong one, and I'm not sure how much longer I can hold up before I break into pieces.

Current Location: home
Current Mood: emotional
Current Music: CSI NY on tv

August 27th, 2013

08:30 pm: Blergh......
Wow... Is it really only tuesday? This has been one hellaciously long week already... geez....between personal issues, drama, work, homework, and summer classes, it feels like it should be friday already.
On a side note, what is it about relationships that make them so hard? Between personalities and misunderstandings it's amazing any last.
Sorry... I'm just griping, and venting... Not sure if I should explain tho... It's still too close and personal... Suffice it to say, it involves romance, love, and misunderstandings. But it's worth it to keep going, and this relationship is too important to me for a bump in the road to ruin it. Now I just have to get that across, and hope I can mend the necessary fences.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: Stressed
Current Music: CSI NY on tv
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July 27th, 2013

02:40 pm: Summer vacation my ass
Wow... between work, classes, graduations, birthdays, festivals, and shenanigans with friends, I am officially busier now than I was during school! I need a vacation!!!

June 13th, 2013

11:15 pm: Gack....
So, not only do I have random drunk homeless guys telling me I'm going to get preggers and have a boy eventually, and kids from work thinking I'm pregnant, the kids are now attempting to pawn me off on their (married) dads.
The other night a group of parents from my preschool's kindergarten class put on a barbeque for the teachers as a thank you/end of the year bit of funness. And it was a blast, there was around a hundred people there between the kidlets and their families, and the teachers and their families. But as I'm sitting at a picnic table eating, one of the kids sitting next to me, who by the way is in elementary school now, starts asking me if I have any kids, which leads into asking if I'm married, which leads to do I have a boyfriend? Since my answers to all of these are no, her precious reply "well, my daddy can be your boyfriend". Never mind that her parents, who are married, are sitting right on the other side of her. Apparently I am now so incredibly single that I am being pimped out to married guys. Geez.
I swear, the universe must be telling me something.... either I need to get a boyfriend, or I need to get preggers or something.... Honestly though, I'm in school, I'm single, and I teach preschool... I don't wanna have kids yet. I'll take the boyfriend tho... Or a girlfriend... I'm not picky... I just wanna stop having weird pregnancy conversations with people....
On a less bizzare note... Just finished another term at the local University, and will be finished there forever come December!!!! Totally excited!

Current Mood: weirded out
Current Music: Nickleback
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May 10th, 2013

06:55 pm: wow... kids are weird
And damned if they don't continuously say bizarre things...
Last week, on the playground, me and one of my coworkers (and best friends) were chatting, when a kindergartener noticed T's (my friend) engagement ring and asked about it. When the kid (V) found out that T isn't married yet, but is marrying her girlfriend soon, V looks up at us, and asks T in a voice filled with wonder: "Are you going to be gay?" About 3 minutes later, V then proceeds to ask me if I have a baby in my belly... when I tell her that I don't, her response is "Oh, 'cuz you kinda look like it" ... Gee thanks kid...
Apparently though, not only do I look like I'm pregnant, I'm Old and Fat.... today a trio of kindergarteners were sitting and coloring, one of them proclaimed that she was drawing an "old fat lady", when I asked incredulously asked her if she even knew any old fat ladies, one of the other girls proclaims :"You!" and the artist and the third girl name two other teachers. Me? A little chubby around the middle, but not fat by any means, or old, and the other two teachers are a couple of the bigger teachers in the building, but none of us are old by any means.... Damn kids....

Current Mood: Amused
Current Music: Enrique Iglesias
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April 20th, 2013

10:07 pm: Gotta love the homeless....
I volunteer at the local public library on saturdays, and our library is located near the main city bus terminal, and a soup kitchen, which means we get some very *interesting* patrons occasionally. Today we had an encounter with a slightly entertaining and rather drunk homeless man. One of the other patrons came up to the main desk and mentioned that he'd seen a guy drinking on a bottle of wine. LJ, the librarian, went to where the guy was sitting, confiscated a half empty bottle of wine, plus another full bottle, then went and talked to the guy to tell him he couldn't have food and drink in the library. She was very polite about it, telling him he could move his food to a different location just inside the front door, and he was very nice about it and not at all belligerent. If anything he seemed talkative and unsure of the rules. They then proceeded to have a conversation about how he could get a library card as a homeless person and various other things. After LJ went back to her desk, the homeless guy started packing up his stuff, and struck up a conversation with me as he did. During this conversation he told me that when I get into a "relational situation" and get pregnant, I am going have a boy, because he "knows things". Never mind that I'm single and have no plans to have kids anytime soon.
On the upside, this guy was better than the homeless guy who sat in a chair and cursed at every single patron going buy... that was just awkward.... no one wants to hear someone telling a kid "fuck you bitch"... that guy got a cop escort out of the building.
Most of the homeless guys in the library are fine tho, they'll come in, charge their phones, and maybe take a nap or use the library.

Current Location: home
Current Mood: Amused
Current Music: Hawaii 5-oh on tv
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